The ‘F’ Word

For years, my daughters thought the ‘f’ word was ‘fart’. They raised their eyebrows at me in shock when someone dared mouth the word. Sometimes they giggled nervously if the word slipped past someone’s lips. I enjoyed their childhood innocence. But things changed.

As we sat around our dining table, my six-year-old piped up. “Mum, we know the long ‘f’ word.”

“What, farting?” I smiled.

“No, f*!@#king hell.”

My jaw dropped. “Where did you hear that?”

“From Alice*,” said my eldest child. Alice is their friend.

“Do you know what it means?”

They shook their heads.

Thank God for that. “Well, it’s not a nice word and I don’t ever want to hear you say it again.”

So far they haven’t said it again, at least not in my company. They’ve moved on to the word ‘shart’, proving that toilet humour still rates highly amongst juveniles (and many adults, come to think of it). I just wish my youngest child would stop sharting in her knickers because every time she does I want to shout, “f*!@#king hell!”

Shart happens.


*Name changed to protect privacy.

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